...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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