there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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