I hate your face
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
