I wish I could teleport
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
