She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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