When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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