I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
