she smelled like a LAN party
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
