we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
