drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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