dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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