he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it's like iHOP with fire
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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