on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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