I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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