honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
