I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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