A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
