I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
