Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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