it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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