How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
