she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I love you.
Bad choice
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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