It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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