Dude my mom stole all your condoms
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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