ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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