apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
