Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
