His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
