I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
