Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
