Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
