This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
