The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
