All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
