I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
