Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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