i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
