I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
