k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
