she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
