Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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