So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
