went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
