Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
