If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
