He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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