living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
