Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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