apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
