Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I will be naked everywhere
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
